


Kiss You Once and Then Some More

by therogueskimo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, Christmas, Did I mention pining?, First Kisses, Flirting, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Louis kisses someone else but there's a reason for it, Louis' sisters make a cameo, M/M, Mistletoe, Oral Sex, Pining, Smut, thigh fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:36:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21928330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therogueskimo/pseuds/therogueskimo
Summary: Harry hangs mistletoe in the Princess Park flat to try to jokingly get his best mate and love of his life (though they’re just friends) to kiss him. It does not go as planned.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 11
Kudos: 192





	Kiss You Once and Then Some More

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiii everyone, it's Liz again back on her bullshit. 
> 
> So, before I get into the thank yous, here's an explanation of the world this fic takes place in:
> 
> So in this cannon-esque universe, 1D is still a band that was put together on the X-Factor and, as this fic is set in 2012, are releasing their second album, Take Me Home. Harry and Louis aren’t out, but they aren’t not out - as in, they don’t have any labels thrust upon them, and Louis doesn’t have a beard (aka Eleanor). They’re doing their last round of promo before Christmas, which is where this completely fabricated interview comes into play. Louis and Harry still live together in the Princess Park flat, but Harry has not told Louis of his feelings, which he’s had since X-Factor days, and Harry does not know of Louis’ reciprocating feelings. 
> 
> Now that we're here, I'd like to say a big thank you to the long ass list of tumblr prompts I scrolled through for an hour to find one that i really wanted to write. This year would have been the first year since I started writing fics that I didn't have a Christmas fic if not for that list. 
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful betas:
> 
> Chloe - thank you for constantly correcting my British slang, even though you will never convince me to use twenty different phrases for the word towel, end of story. Love you!
> 
> Maggie - thank you for always being my voice of reason and helping me come up with titles the night before I post haha. You're the best, babe!
> 
> Title is from That's What Christmas Means to Me by Stevie Wonder.
> 
> I wish you all the most wonderful holiday season and a fantastic New Year. I'm grateful to every person who clicks on this fic to read it - I write because I love it, but I also love hearing what people think, as it's constant motivation to improve. Love to you all. 
> 
> TPWK xxx
> 
> -L

“C’mon, Louis, come on, come  _ on _ ,” Harry whined, bouncing on the balls of his feet as Louis unlocked their door. 

“Jesus, Harry, you’d think after the day we’ve had, you’d be tired,” Louis grumbled, but his tone was playful. It always was when he directed words at Harry, but that was one of the things Harry loved most about Louis. 

“It was only a dozen interviews and three live performances of the new single,” Harry countered, the excitement building as Louis finally turned the key in the lock. They both stumbled into their dark flat, kicking off their shoes and shrugging off jackets. Harry hopped around, pulling off his socks, and flicked the light switches, bathing their main room in a soft, golden light. Harry skipped around so he was facing Louis, who was rubbing the obvious exhaustion out of his eyes. Even then, he still looked beautiful. Harry couldn’t help but watch him as he moved around the room, lighting a few candles and turning on some quiet music. Louis was just magnetic in that way - he made Harry want to watch him all the time. 

Louis flopped down on the couch, but Harry reached out and grabbed his arm, hauling him back to his feet. 

“Harryyyyy,” Louis groaned, but Harry wasn’t having it.

“Let’s go, Lou. You’re gonna come help me with the decorations!” Harry said, his excitement exploding out of him in a rush. Louis’ eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. 

“Decorations? For what?”

Harry tried extremely hard not to roll his eyes at his ridiculous roommate. “For Christmas, of course!”

Before Louis could utter even a word of protest, Harry dragged him by the arm down the hallway and to the spare room, where they kept all of their holiday decorations. Harry had brought quite a few from home when they’d moved in, and they’d just been lucky enough to get a flat big enough to hold it all. 

Harry opened the closet and began handing boxes and bags to Louis, who was staring at his phone and then back at Harry, his lip forming a small pout. 

“Harry, it’s nearly gone midnight. You can’t really be suggesting-”

Harry dumped another bag at Louis’ feet and put a finger to his lips, quieting him. “Yes. We’re doing this, Lou. We will barely get time to spend here, which means the time we  _ do _ spend here must be as festive as possible. Now take these out to the main room. I’ll be right behind you.”

Louis clearly knew that Harry wasn’t joking, because he just shook his head, smiling, and made his way back to the main room. Harry sighed happily, picking up another few boxes and following. 

It took several more trips and bit more whining from Louis before everything was laid out on the floor and their coffee table. Harry could feel his whole body nearly buzzing from excitement. He loved Christmas. Everything about it made him feel like he’d just drank an entire gallon of hot tea. His insides felt all warm and fuzzy and he couldn’t stop smiling, even when he felt horrible. Light displays made him tear up. Christmas songs were all he listened to from the moment the clock struck midnight on November 1st. Pine was the only scent of candle he’d burn. He just loved it. 

Louis was splayed out on the couch, his eyes half closed and his head resting on his arms. Harry just smiled to himself. He’d known all along that Louis wouldn’t help him. Louis liked Christmas well enough, but he was never as into it as Harry was. That didn’t matter though - Louis was always supportive of whatever Harry wanted to do, even if he didn’t lift a finger to help. Harry really just appreciated that he was still here, still living with him, instead of off in his own house, like the other boys. 

“Okay, so I’m going to get started on the tree. I figured it would just be easier to use the fake one this year, but I’m gonna run out and get a bunch of car fresheners that smell like pine and hide them in the tree.” Harry rambled on and on, aware that he was mostly talking to himself, but he looked up every now and then as he started to put things together, and Louis was always watching him, his blue eyes sparkling in the light. 

Harry didn’t even bother looking at the clock until he was putting the finishing touches on the line of fairy lights he’d placed along the window sill. It was a little past three in the morning, and Louis was snoring softly, having fallen asleep half on the sofa, half hanging off into a box of discarded ornament containers. Harry let him sleep, putting all the boxes and things away quietly. 

When he came back out to the main room, Louis was sitting up, blinking at him sleepily. He smiled, and Harry felt his stomach do a back flip. He just smiled back, however, blowing out the candles and picking up the last few boxes. 

“G’night, Haz,” Louis yawned, giving Harry a half hearted wave and stumbling off towards his bedroom. Harry put the boxes down and reached into his back pocket, hanging the finishing touch in the archway to the kitchen. As he made his way to his own bedroom, he turned back, admiring his work. Every surface was covered in garland or lights or fake snow, and in the very center of their main area, the white berries of mistletoe stood out in pale contrast to the dark green leaves. Harry flicked off the last of the lights, plunging the room into darkness, and felt his way along the hall and into his own room. 

Louis was laying face down in his bed, his breathing even and his hair an absolute mess. This wasn’t uncommon. Louis had expressed his need to be cuddled in bed very early on, and a few sleepwalking escapades had landed him in Harry’s bed more than once during their X-Factor days. Harry didn’t mind. He never minded being close to Louis. 

Stripping down to his boxers, Harry crawled into bed next to Louis, pulling the duvet over both of them. Louis mumbled and stirred slightly, turning so his chest was to Harry’s back. His arm casually looped around Harry’s waist, and Harry felt his cheeks burn as he tried to settle down into the comfort of his mattress. As he started to drift off, his mind filled with half-formed dreams of soft kisses under the mistletoe, brushing a strand of darkening hair out of beautiful blue eyes. Maybe this year, Louis would finally understand what Harry had been not so subtly trying to tell him since the day they’d met - that he was completely and utterly gone for him.

_____

Harry woke the next morning to a delicious smell wafting in from their kitchen and an empty bed next to him. At this point, Harry was already confused - Louis usually burned everything he cooked, but maybe watching Harry cook for them both for nearly two years had rubbed off on him a little. 

Sitting up in bed, he winced as his morning wood brushed against his boxers. He was used to this by now, but it didn’t make him feel any more comfortable about it. He couldn’t go around getting hard every time he spent a night with Louis in his bed. Praying Louis hadn’t noticed, Harry pulled on a pair of joggers, slung low on his hips, and wandered out of his room and towards their main room.

Louis was sitting at their table, one of Harry’s jumpers nearly drowning him, his hands wrapped firmly around a steaming mug of tea. On the table was an assortment of sausages and bacon and a plate of fresh pastries. 

“Mmm, Lou, did you make these?” Harry said with a barely concealed yawn as he settled down at the table. He missed how Louis’ eyes trailed over his bare chest. 

“Seriously? I don’t even think you could make stuff this good,” Louis said with a laugh, taking a cautious sip of his tea. “Nah, I ran out to the local bakery. Wanted to do something nice for ya since you’re always cooking. Domestic little housewife, you are.”

Harry blushed, biting into a pastry to hide his rosy cheeks. Louis was staring at him over the rim of his cup, his blue eyes dancing in the morning light. He was so perfect - if only Harry had the guts to tell him that. 

“I appreciate it. This is fucking incredible, where did you say you went?” Harry asked, his mouth full, and Louis snorted into his tea, placing it on the table and letting his jumper fall over his hands. 

“Sweet Tree. They’re a nice little shop, and since I went early, no one was there to see me dressed in ratty joggers and a jumper. I didn’t even wear a hat.” He shrugged, the jumper slipping off one shoulder. “I was hungry, though, so I didn’t care that much.”

Harry nudged Louis’ foot under the table gently, smiling. “Means a lot to me, Lou. I promise I’ll teach you how to make pastries soon.”

“I think we’ve concluded that I’m a lost cause, haven’t we?”

Harry just shook his head and continued eating. Now that Louis had drank his fill of tea, it seemed, he deemed it time to eat as well, and they were silent for a while, just listening to the soft tones of Silver Bells playing from their sound system. 

Eventually, Louis pulled out his phone, and Harry wiped his mouth with a napkin, taking a gulp of water to wash down the last bits of sausage. “What have we got today?”

Louis’ eyes flicked up from his phone for a moment before he spoke. “Umm … just the one interview, I think. But we’ve got a few hours before we have to be ready, so I thought maybe we’d settle in and watch that Christmas movie you like?” Harry wasn’t sure, but Louis sounded almost hesitant, as if he doubted that Harry would want to join him in something as simple as cuddling and watching a movie. 

“Lou, I like them all, you’re gonna have to be more specific,” Harry said with a small giggle, and Louis’ lips quirked up in his usual smirk and he stood, offering his hand to Harry. Harry took it, ignoring the racing of his heart as Louis’ smaller hand slid perfectly into his. He let Louis drag him towards their sofa, collapsing in the corner and pulling his most comfortable blanket towards him. 

“Already got it queued up for you,” Louis said, and Harry turned his attention to their television, where the opening credits of Love Actually were playing. Harry turned to Louis, his smile so wide he could feel it stretching his face. Louis’ cheeks pinked but all he did was smile, reaching for the blanket Harry had pulled over himself. “Come cuddle with me, you big oaf. You’re supposed to be keeping me warm.”

Harry opened his arms at once, and Louis cuddled up next to him, snuggling his head down on Harry’s chest. For some reason, he seemed unsettled, moving around every few minutes, and finally, Harry couldn’t stand it. 

“Lou, what’s up with you?”

Louis just shook his head, trying again to get into a comfortable position. Harry sat up and turned his body so he was facing Louis, who was looking up at him, his eyes wide and vulnerable. Harry reached over and paused the movie. When Louis looked at him like that, Harry knew he was about to have a serious conversation. 

“Was just … thinking,” Louis mumbled, and Harry sat patiently, knowing there was more to come. Louis eventually looked up at him fully. “Our album just came out and … I mean, I know it doesn’t really matter how many solo lines we each get, cause we’re a band and we do it together, but I didn’t have so many on the first one and I’m just afraid that people won’t like my vocals on this new one, and …” he trailed off, seeming almost winded from his admission. He never admitted anything like this to anyone but Harry, and it made Harry feel equal parts special, because Louis trusted him, and broken-hearted, because there was only so much he could do to help Louis when he got in this state. 

Harry reached for Louis’ hands, just playing with his fingers gently. “Lou, you can’t think like that. You have a beautiful voice. We would sound so fucking boring if it wasn’t for you.” 

Louis shook his head, his eyes downcast, and Harry pulled out his phone, determined to prove his point. He scrolled through his email until he found the album on iTunes and pressed play. The opening notes of Little Things began playing, and Harry skipped to the second verse, which Louis started. He watched Louis’ face as he listened to himself sing. He looked vaguely sick. 

“Lou, I just … I hate that you don’t like your voice. You sound so amazing here. And your vocals mixed with mine - we were made to sing together.” Harry skipped along to Rock Me, one of the songs that Louis had been most eager to record, and let it play until the pre-chorus, where Louis belted out his high note with ease. “Listen to it. You bring such a unique experience to the song. The fans love hearing you sing.” Harry almost laughed, remembering a moment from a previous show. “Remember when you sang Valerie and the entire crowd couldn’t stop screaming for you? That was all you. Just you.”

Louis was almost smiling now, Harry could tell. His cheeks were a bright pink now as Harry’s words took affect on him. 

“Harry, I-”

“I know they tried to make you and Ni out to be the “backup singers”, but it’s not true,” Harry very nearly shouted, needing Louis to understand and not just write him off like he sometimes tried to do. “I don’t think that, and neither do the other boys. You getting to show off your vocals is just going to bring in more fans, and you deserve every moment of it.”

Louis smiled then, his eyes a bit glassy, and the vice grip on Harry’s heart eased. “Always know what to say, don’t you?” 

Harry just smiled and pulled Louis to him in a hug, allowing himself a moment of weakness in having Louis pressed against his chest. Louis went easily, and Harry rested his head in the crook of Louis’ neck, nuzzling in slightly. Louis hummed and pecked Harry’s cheek. 

“Thanks, love. Now - back to the movie, yeah?”

Harry nodded enthusiastically, pressing play and settling back into the cushions of their sofa. Soon, he’d have to go out and share Louis with the other boys, with the interviewers, with the world, and pretend that everything was fine and they were just two lads who lived together. But right now, in this moment, he could pretend Louis was his and that they had all the time in the world. 

______

Harry could have spent all day sitting there with Louis, but here they were, seated for their interview and all dressed in similar colors; it was something their management had thought would make them seem more cohesive as a band, but if Harry was being honest with himself, he was a little over it.

Louis was settled in next to him, chatting animatedly to Niall, and Harry just watched him for a bit, admiring the way his eyes got wider when he got to the peak of the sentence, or how every now and then, he’d reach up to make sure his hair was still doing what he wanted it to do. Everything he did was so fascinating, and every second Harry spent watching was another moment of falling deeper in love with his best friend. 

“Harry … she needs to check your mic.”

Zayn’s soft voice made Harry jump, and he focused solely on the woman who was adjusting the sound equipment, trying to pretend like he hadn’t been staring. Zayn raised his eyebrows but said nothing, and Harry let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, finally settling back into the small sofa as the production crew called that they were ready to begin. 

Louis nudged Harry lightly with his elbow and grinned as the interviewer took his seat. Harry grinned back, letting their knees touch briefly, and then they were starting. 

“Hello, boys! Welcome to the Oliver and Company Morning Show!”

“Thanks! Great to be here,” Liam said at once, and the other boys, Harry included, said a jumbled bunch of greetings. This was how it always was - Liam doing most of the talking, as he seemed to be the most responsible, and the rest of them talking over each other and basically making the interview completely crazy. 

“So, I know you guys have a new album that was just released a bit ago, so congrats on that,” the interviewer, whose name was Oliver, if the name of the show was anything to go off of, said enthusiastically, nodding at each of them in turn as they thanked him once more. “Let’s talk a little bit about that.”

“Well, Oliver,” Louis began, his voice a little over exaggerated, and Harry’s gaze snapped onto him. “The album pretty much made itself, honestly. The best part, for me at least, is getting to do interviews with people as handsome as yourself.” Louis threw in a wink there, not at all concealed from the cameras, and Harry felt a sudden surge of anger that was very unlike him. He shook it off as Oliver responded to Louis’ comment, but he didn’t hear a word he said. He was too preoccupied by the fact that he could hear his blood rushing in his ears. 

“Harry, what was the best part of this process for you the second time around?” 

Harry started, his eyes moving onto Oliver’s face, and he tried to ignore the anger sitting uncomfortably in his stomach. 

“Oh, umm … I suppose it would have to be recording while on tour? We got to do stuff in some pretty weird places, so … yeah.” Harry felt like his answer was one of the more stupid ones he’d given, but Oliver didn’t seem to mind. He just nodded and directed the same question to Niall, who answered in a similar fashion, talking about how he’d tried to record his parts in the nude, but Liam had yelled at him to put some clothes on. Everyone was laughing, but Harry only had eyes for Louis, who had thrown his head back, his eyes scrunched closed as he cackled.

“So, Louis. I hear you’ve been trying to get into some songwriting. How’s that going for you?” Oliver asked, leaning his body forwards as he completed the question. Louis sat up a bit straighter before leaning in himself. 

“You know, it’s harder than I thought, but you just need to look around yourself for inspiration. For instance - I could have coffee, or do an interview, and really connect with the person. Throw in a few metaphors for love and maybe one or two about something a bit more … risque, shall we say, and you’ve got yourself a hit single.” Louis was smirking now, and Harry almost thought he could see red tinging the edges of his vision as he watched Louis interact with Oliver. It almost made him physically sick. “But really, I’m enjoying the challenge, and I hope that I can get more into it when we get to album number 3.”

“There’s going to be another one already?” Oliver asked with a laugh, and Louis gesticulated wildly, nearly hitting Harry in the face. 

“Of  _ course _ , of course. We’re gonna be around for a long time. We’ll have 10 albums and still be doing what we do.”

The other boys nodded and spoke in affirmation, but Harry didn’t say anything. For once, he didn’t like the way Louis was smiling, or who that smile was directed at. 

The rest of the interview went much the same way. Oliver directed questions at each of the boys in turn, and Harry only answered when he was addressed directly, unable to say anything else, especially when Louis was flirting like his life depended on it right next to him. He couldn’t stand it and was almost grateful when Oliver said his outro and plugged their album. 

Harry could hear Louis chattering away to Liam, annoying him as per usual, as they all stood up to get ready to leave. Harry had almost convinced himself to walk home, needing a bit of fresh air to clear his head, when someone tapped his shoulder, and he turned, meeting Zayn’s earnest brown eyes with his own. 

“You wanna talk, Haz?”

Harry felt his throat close up at once, and in all honesty, he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to or not, but this would be his only chance until their upcoming Christmas party, and he felt like he was about to explode. He nodded and followed Zayn out of the main room and into a deserted hallway. Zayn turned to him and waited. Harry appreciated that he knew not to push him, especially when it came to this particular subject. 

“I just … I got so mad, Zayn. I don’t know what came over me-”

Zayn just shook his head, looking a bit sad. “You know what it was about. He was being really blatant about it. Even I noticed.”

Harry balled his hands into fists, trying to keep himself from crying. He wasn’t a child anymore - he shouldn’t be crying over a boy like some baby, but sometimes he just couldn’t help it. “I want it to be me. I want him to flirt with me. I want him to make innuendos at me and then follow through with them. I want everything with him and it’s like he doesn’t even notice or care, and it drives me crazy!”

Zayn lay a hand on his shoulder, and Harry instantly relaxed, the touch soothing him - maybe not as much as Louis’, but close. “I know, mate. But you can’t expect him to know if you don’t tell him. It’s been two years, Harry.”

“I know, I know! I just can’t lose him, okay? Don’t you get that? If I tell him now, not only is he probably going to turn me down, but he’ll be mad at me for keeping it a secret and I can’t handle him being upset with me. Jesus fuck, I sound like a fucking child,” Harry grumbled after the fact, chastising himself as his heart sank. “I’m so in love with him, Zayn. It hurts sometimes, how much I love him, and he just …”

“Listen to me. I know it’s hard. But I’m telling you … sometimes I think he does this to get to you. Almost like he’s trying to make you jealous or something. Haven’t you ever noticed that he always makes sure you’re paying attention before he gets all overly flirty?” Zayn was gesturing now, something he did when he tried to prove a point. “And not to mention how touchy he’s always been with you? He’s my best friend and he never gets like that with me, unless he’s really drunk. He’s only ever done that with you. Doesn’t that say something?”

Harry wiped furiously at his eyes, now angry at himself. “I can think about that, Z. If I’m wrong … if I assume that he … and then he doesn’t?”

Zayn opened his mouth to say something, but then he clamped it shut and, looking over his shoulder, Harry saw Louis sticking his head around the corner. 

“Ready to go home, Hazza? We’ve got to start planning that party.”

Harry looked back at Zayn who just shrugged and gave Harry a look that clearly said _ see, I told you _ , and walked away. Harry mustered up a smile, hoping that his eyes didn’t give him away. 

“Yeah. Let’s go home.”

________

“Lou! Did you say you wanted Stella or Heineken?” Harry called from where he was sat spread-legged on the floor of their main room, several lists littered on the carpet. 

“You know I’m a Stella man, don’t be thick,” Louis called back jovially, and Harry just rolled his eyes, crossing out Heineken and circling Stella, and then proceeding to add it to a much neater list sitting on the coffee table. He looked around him one more time and smiled, satisfied. 

“Alright, then. We’ve got our list. We’d better get it all today, cause I’m sure we’ll have people at our door at daybreak.”

Louis came bounding into the room, his eyes sparkling in anticipation and two cups of tea in his hands. Handing one to Harry, he stretched out on the sofa. “Our parties are the best. People just wanna get here early, make the best of it.”

“You mean drink all the beer so we don’t have to take care of the leftovers,” Harry said with a laugh, and Louis nudged him with his foot.

“You know I’m perfectly fine with leftovers. That just leaves more for us to down when we need a night away from the hustle and bustle of being internationally famous,” Louis countered, flipping his imaginary length of hair over his shoulder and dramatically drinking his tea. 

Harry giggled, watching Louis over the rim of his cup. He hadn’t stopped thinking about what Zayn said all week. Harry had started paying super close attention to Louis, more than he already did, and he could see some moments that could be considered flirting directed at him from Louis, but they’d always been that way. Always super close, super tactile, and super flirty. But Louis had never shown the slightest interest in Harry as more than a friend. Though, Harry reasoned, Louis had dated around over the past few years, sure, but none of them had been serious, which could mean that those moments had been to make Harry jealous, but he doubted it. Louis was very upfront with Harry about things - would he really hide his feelings if Harry was as obvious about his own as Zayn said he was?

“Haz? Are you even listening to me?”

Harry started, looking guiltily over his cup at Louis, who was now watching him with a carefully measured gaze. 

“I … sorry, what?”

Louis put his cup down, sitting up straight. “Is something wrong? You seem a little off. Have been for a few days now.”

Harry just shrugged, most definitely not ready for  _ that  _ conversation, despite Zayn’s insistence that it would all be fine if Harry was just honest. “Nah. Just been a bit tired. I don’t like lazing around much, you know that.”

“Well, then, let’s get out of here. Get the shopping done and get ready for the party! That will get your blood pumping, surely.” Louis leaned in, like he was about to whisper a huge secret. “Going out, possibly being spotted by fans, those fans asking for pictures … come on, you know you want tooooo,” he singsonged, wiggling his eyebrows. Harry couldn’t resist him, even if he’d wanted to. 

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Harry grumbled, pulling himself to his feet, and Louis stood too, grinning from ear to ear. 

“That’s my boy.”

Harry very nearly preened at the praise, mentally slapping himself a moment later for getting lost in his fantasies, and he went for his coat and shoes, ready to get out of the house and stop sneaking glances at the mistletoe, which Louis still hadn’t noticed. It wasn’t bothering Harry at all. Not. One. Bit.

________

“Harry, would you just pick some crisps so we can get back to our lovely flat?” Louis sighed as Harry stood, a finger to his lips, walking back and forth in front of the crisps. He threw a look over his shoulder at Louis. 

“You know I always worry if I won’t have the right kind, or if someone is gluten free and needs special ones.”

Louis’ face softened and he put an arm around Harry’s waist, which made Harry’s stomach explode with butterflies. No matter how long it had been, Louis’ touch still sent Harry into a complete internal freakout. 

“I know, love, but it’s getting late, and I’m pretty sure there’s about six fans in the aisle over that have been whispering about coming up to us for the last ten minutes. I’m afraid they’ll distract you even further from your crisps dilema.”

Harry peered down the aisle and, sure enough, a few girls were poking their heads around the corner, trying to be inconspicuous. Harry knew he spotted several camera phones, though. He turned his attention back to the crisps and grabbed five bags of varying types, trying to cover all his bases. Louis’ encouraging smile was enough to assure him that he’d made a good decision. Not that he needed that kind of validation, but it was … nice, sometimes, to know that someone thought you were doing the right thing. Especially when that someone was as pretty as Louis. 

“Well, come on then,” Louis said, smacking Harry’s bum. Harry let out a squeak, his body becoming automatically slightly interested in the touch, and he bit down hard on his tongue, not needing a picture of  _ that _ all over the internet.

They reached the check out counter and paid for all their things. Harry could tell that the assistant knew who they were, but he just smiled politely and said thank you as he collected their bags. He and Louis made their way out of the store, Louis talking animatedly about the playlist he’d been carefully crafting for weeks. They’d almost made it to his car when someone spoke up from behind them. 

“Umm … excuse me? Harry Styles?”

Harry turned, smiling when he saw it was the girls from the store. He’d been hoping they’d come up to them, to be honest - he hated the feeling that they were too nervous to do so. He and Louis and the guys were just … normal. 

“Oh my god, it’s both of them. Louis, too,” one of the other girls said, her excitement barely contained, and Louis grinned. Harry knew that Louis was very used to being shoved to the side when people met them - Harry had been almost crafted as the front man, and of course he was the youngest - closest to their fans’ general age. It was always about him, but he was grateful that they’d noticed Louis as well. 

“Hi, loves. Having a good day, yeah?” Louis asked, his eyes sparkling, and Harry just watched as the girls all spoke up at once, chattering away. Louis had always been better at fan service than Harry. Harry never really knew what to do or say, but Louis was a natural. 

“Can we, like, get a picture?” The smallest of the girls asked, and Harry nodded, opening his arm for her to stand next to him. She obliged, shaking, and Harry took pity on her, taking the phone from her and handing it to Louis, who snapped the picture happily. It went on like that for a few minutes, each girl wanting their own picture with each of them, and then one big picture with everyone. 

“Just can’t believe this is really happening,” they whispered to each other as they walked away, their faces alight with happiness. “We just fucking met Larry, like …”

Harry blushed at the mention of that name. Fans were obsessed with the idea of him and Louis being together. If only they knew how much Harry wanted that to be true. 

“Always on about that, aren’t they?” Louis said as they slid into their car and pulled out of the car park. “You and me, you know?”

“Yeah … crazy,” Harry mumbled, shooting a glance at Louis quickly to see his reaction. His face remained as cheerful as ever, and Harry sat back in his seat, trying not to be frustrated. Zayn couldn’t possibly be right - every time Harry even tried to mention something along the lines of them being together in any way, it bounced off Louis completely. It didn’t bode well for Harry telling him what had been going on for the last two years, that was for sure. His only hope was that Louis would somehow find the mistletoe and put two and two together. 

The drive home was silent with the exception of Christmas tunes playing softly from the radio. Harry tried not to sink into his ever-consuming confusion about Louis and feelings, but he couldn’t help it, and didn’t notice they were home until Louis’ soft hand was on his shoulder. 

“You were in another world there, Haz. C’mon, let’s get this lot inside. Got loads to do, still.”

Harry stood and helped Louis with all of their items, and for the rest of the afternoon and evening, they planned. They stood in the kitchen and pulled out every ingredient they’d need for the next day, checking and double checking that it was all there. They sat on the floor in their main room and triple checked the guest list they’d crafted, making sure that everyone had RSVPed and checking to see if they were bringing a plus one. 

“Oh my god, Aiden’s coming! I don’t even remember inviting him, but I’m glad we did,” Louis said cheerfully as they continued to check names off. Harry tried hard to keep his face straight. He’d liked Aiden Grimshaw well enough, but he’d always been hanging off Louis before he left, and Harry, being arse over teakettle in love with Louis, hadn’t really enjoyed having to watch it.

“That’s great, Lou. Will be good to see him, I reckon.”

“Oh, definitely. Been a long time since we’ve had a pint or two together. This is gonna be awesome. Remember back on X-Factor when he bought us all that vodka and we downed all of it and ended up in bed together? Crazy shit.”

Harry just nodded, trying not to grind his teeth and continued filing through his meticulous lists. It was nearly nine at night before everything was all said and done. Harry picked up his papers and Louis did a final sweep of the kitchen. As he made his way through to turn off the lights, he stopped under the arch between the main room and the kitchen, pointing up and smirking. “Mistletoe. Wonder how that got there.”

Harry’s heart was suddenly in his mouth, and he turned to face Louis, doing everything in his power to prepare himself for whatever might happen next. “Umm, yeah. It’s tradition, you know.”

Louis nodded, smirking more now. “You’re such a sap, Harold. You just wanna watch couples kiss under it all night tomorrow. Hilarious, though. I kinda love it.”

Without another word or glance at Harry, Louis headed off towards his bedroom, leaving Harry in the dark kitchen, in danger of pulling his hair out. 

Harry made his way to his room and flopped down on his bed, finally checking his phone. He had a few texts from his Mum, discussing plans for Christmas and all that, as well as several thousand Twitter notifications. He’d been meaning to turn those off for ages now, but he kind of liked seeing fans react to things right then and there, instead of going through them later. It made it more exciting. 

He could hear Louis’ computer blasting music from one of the many shows he liked to watch, and it was in that moment that he figured it was safe to make a call. 

Zayn picked up his Facetime request almost at once, his eager brown eyes almost glaring at Harry through his phone screen. 

“Well? Did you tell him? Or are you just calling me to pine some more?” he asked at once, and Harry laughed, shrugging. Zayn pouted. “What am I gonna do with this one?”

“Zaynie, don’t. You know it’s not that simple.”

Zayn shook his head. “No, that’s just it. It is that simple.” He pressed his lips together and Harry waited with bated breath for his next lecture. “Look. I’m telling you this because I’m your friend. If you don’t act now, you won’t get a chance. Lou is bound to fall for someone else. He’s quite the catch, which I’m sure you’ve noticed. Everyone loves him.” Harry opened his mouth to protest, but Zayn went on quickly. “The party is the perfect time to tell him, I think. He’ll have a little in him, and so will you, which might make it easier, if you drink enough. Then there’s your whole mistletoe trick - catching him under it can’t possibly be that hard.”

“I wish it wasn’t - I’ve had it up for days,” Harry mumbled, but Zayn was still talking.

“... get that kiss and boom! He’ll stop being a gigantic idiot and you’ll get what you’ve always wanted and it’s a miracle! Done deal, mate.”

“Can’t you just tell him for me?” Harry begged, but he knew it would do no good. Zayn was a good person to talk to, but he refused to meddle in such ways. Sure enough, Zayn just rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, right, because me going up to him and saying ‘ _ hey, guess what, your best mate is in love with you, go snog each other’s faces off _ ’ is going to magically make everything better.”

Harry snorted, and at that moment, his door opened and Louis poked his head in. Harry very nearly threw his phone in his haste to make sure Louis had no idea who he was talking to, or what he was talking about. 

“Gonna head to bed. Night, Hazza. Tomorrow’s the day!”

Harry nodded, grinning normally. “Yep. Night, Lou.”

He watched him go before picking up his phone from where he’d dropped it on the bed. Luckily, Zayn’s face was still there, and he was staring at Harry, bored. 

“You two make me sick, I swear,” he grumbled. 

“What do you mean? We were just saying good night!” Harry protested. 

“No matter. You’re telling him tomorrow. Got me?”

Harry sat there for a moment, thinking about it. He couldn’t avoid it forever. Eventually, Louis would find someone else, another man or woman, and that scared him much more than what might happen to them if Louis didn’t feel the same. 

“Fine.  _ Fine _ . I’ll do it. Just … get here early, so I can freak out with someone who knows how to calm me the fuck down.”

Zayn saluted him and ended the call. Harry groaned and fell back against his pillows. Tomorrow was going to be an epicly long day. 

________

Harry stood in the kitchen, still nursing his first drink of the night. The party had been in full swing for about two hours now, and even after a quick pep talk from Zayn moments before the rest of the guests had arrived, he still felt like he was going to be sick. 

He’d run over telling Louis a million times in a million different scenarios, but each one ended the same way - with Louis walking away from him in disgust. Was he being overdramatic? Yes, probably, but he couldn’t help it. After almost three years of wanting and pining and jerking off as quietly as he could - while also attempting not to yell Louis’ name in the midst of the pleasure - who could blame him for being a bit nervous?

He’d managed to avoid Louis for a majority of the time, not that it was hard - Louis was the life and soul of any party. He loved to entertain, and he was good at it. Harry had spent most of the parties they’d thrown or been to watching Louis work the room, just admiring how beautiful he was when he was in his element. 

Right now, he was more interested in watching all the unsuspecting people getting caught under the mistletoe, which was still hanging exactly where he’d left it. Men and women, men and men, women and women - every single couple caught under it kissed, whether they were together or not. It was tradition, an unspoken rule that no one ever broke. Harry inched a few steps closer as he heard Louis’ voice coming from the other room. He’d tried this about six times, and none of them had proven successful, but what did he have to lose at this point? If Louis thought it was weird, Harry could just blame it on the mistletoe and sulk later. He had to do this, just once. 

Louis came through to the kitchen with a familiar man in tow, and Harry fought to not roll his eyes. Louis’ blue eyes were bright with alcohol consumption and the excitement of hosting, and he placed his hand on Harry’s arm for balance, looking up at him earnestly. 

“Haaaaaz, look who’s here! It’s Aiden!”

Harry just nodded to Aiden, making sure Louis was standing up straight as he grabbed another drink from the counter, passing it blindly to Aiden. 

“Nice to see you again, Harry. Bet you’ve been taking good care of Lou here, huh?”

Ah, small talk. How Harry loved the small talk. 

“Yeah. Gotta make sure he’s fed and all. Hopeless, this one, but I make sure he’s safe.” Harry tried to put as much emphasis on those words as possible, just in case Aiden got any ideas, but he didn’t seem phased at all. 

“Hopeless and pretty. That’s my Lou,” Aiden replied with a laugh, and Harry felt the smile disappear from his face almost instantly. He turned away, busying himself with another drink, even though he hadn’t finished his first. He heard Aiden and Louis leave the kitchen, and he clenched and unclenched his fist, trying to force his irrational jealousy away. 

“Hey, loverboy,” Zayn said from behind him, and Harry jumped so violently that his second drink spilled everywhere. 

“Asshole,” Harry grumbled as he wiped it up, but Zayn just chuckled. 

“Was it just me, or did you have to stop yourself from punching Aiden Grimshaw in the face for existing?”

Harry exhaled slowly before picking up his drink and taking a large swallow. “I didn’t, actually. I was very nice to him. He just … the way he says everything all flirty, especially to Louis. I can see right through him, and all he wants is to get into Louis’ pants.”

“Isn’t that what you want?” Zayn asked, peering at Harry over the top of his cup. Harry, completely thrown, stuttered for several seconds before finally spitting out real words. 

“It’s different. I love Louis. Aiden just wants to dick Louis down and then run for it so he can tell the whole world he had sex with an international pop star.”

Zayn laughed, dragging Harry out of the kitchen and into the main room, where the bulk of the people were. Harry wasn’t sure if he liked this better than the kitchen, but talking to people, according to Zayn, would take his mind off of things for a while. And so Harry talked. He went around and acted the part of good host because he was physically exhausted from worrying about the whole Louis situation. He met up with Liam and Niall, who were both really drunk and trying to throw popcorn into each other’s mouths, which resulted in the carpet being covered by crunched bits of snack. 

But, in the end, it all came back to Louis, and as Harry escorted a few people to the door to see them off, he decided that enough was enough. It was time. 

Everything from the moment he had that thought seemed to happen in slow motion. He closed the door and turned, scanning the crowd for a sign of Louis’ quiff, which he’d spent two hours on earlier in the day, changing it even though Harry said it looked great every time. He saw Zayn by the hallway, shooing people away from the bedrooms. He saw Liam trying to pick a very drunk Niall up off the floor. He saw every one of his friends dancing and drinking and having an amazing time surrounded by Christmas. But none of that mattered when his eyes landed on Louis. 

Because there Louis was, standing in the entranceway to the kitchen. There he was, and there was Aiden Grimshaw. And Aiden Grimshaw was kissing Louis. And Louis was kissing back. 

The entire universe seemed to tilt dangerously to one side at that moment, and Harry felt himself physically stumble, using the wall to catch himself. He felt like his heart was hardening into a solid lump in the middle of his chest, somehow restricting his ability to breathe. The thought of Louis kissing someone had always made him jealous, mad, even, but right now, all he felt was a sudden, hollow emptiness. 

He felt like it went on for hours, and as much as he wanted to look away, he couldn’t. His eyes were glued to them, watching Louis lick into Aiden’s mouth and tighten his grip on Aiden’s waist. When they finally pulled apart, Louis smiled, his gaze moving around the room until it landed on Harry. 

Harry turned away, grabbing blindly for his coat. The noise of the people and the body heat and the music was too much. He needed to be alone, away from it all, because if he stayed a moment longer, he’d either explode into a fit of rage or cry, and neither seemed like a good option. 

He didn’t even realize where he was going until he was sitting on a park bench, the bitter wind whipping his hair into a frenzy. It was then, sitting outside in the middle of the night in the cold, that the tears came. 

Harry let them fall, not even bothering to hold in his sobs. He deserved this. It was all his fault anyway. He deserved to feel like shit, because he hadn’t made his move, and Zayn had been right - it was too late. 

He sat there for a long time, letting all the times in which he could have been honest with Louis play through his head. He could have told him that night at X-Factor, when they’d cuddled in Harry’s bunk and talked about how terrified they were that their band wouldn’t make it through. He could have told him when they signed the lease to their flat when Harry was still a minor, which meant that Louis was his legal guardian. He could have told him after they finished their first ever show as a band, when the adrenaline was running so high that Louis might have actually kissed him back if he’d gone for it. He could have told him every single night since the day they met, but he’d been too much of a coward to be honest with his best friend. And now it was over. Harry was doomed to pine after someone who would never want him back, and it was all his bloody fault. 

He could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket, but he ignored it, pulling his collar up and ducking his head as a few people passed on a late night stroll. As if he needed the headline in the paper the next morning being “International pop sensation Harry Styles caught having a cry on a park bench - trouble in paradise?” or some other shit like that. He just wanted to be alone, but there was nowhere in the world for him to be alone anymore. 

He thought about going home to Holmes Chapel. He was supposed to leave in a few days anyway - he was sure his mum wouldn’t mind him showing up early, but then there’d be questions, and he’d be stuck in another one of her speeches about how he should trust Louis enough to tell him, and how Louis is too good of a friend to just drop him if he doesn’t feel the same. She had always been right. Harry had just been too scared to take in a word she said. 

He thought about sneaking into Zayn’s place, or even Niall’s - Liam was living with his girlfriend, and he knew she wouldn’t appreciate him showing up out of the blue - but they were both at the party, probably getting all chummy with Aiden as Harry sat here, feeling sorry for himself. He didn’t want to put this all on them though. It was his fault, and his alone. He had to stop relying on others to take care of him - he was an adult. He had to take care of himself, even if that meant picking up the pieces of his self-broken heart. 

“You must be freezing, young man,” said a warbling voice, and Harry looked up to see a lovely older woman walking with her cane, looking content. 

“It’s not so bad,” he said, hoping she didn’t recognize him, or hear the wobble of his voice. “I like the cold.”

“Surely you should be out with your friends on a night like this, not sitting here alone,” she continued, taking a seat next to him. Harry just shook his head. 

“I was, but … It got to be a bit too much. I needed some air.”

The woman stared at him, and for a moment, Harry prepared himself for the worst - for being recognized, or asked for a picture or an autograph. But that moment never came. Instead, he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. 

“Whatever’s troubling you, you should go home and sleep on it. Freezing to death won’t do you any good, now will it?”

“Suppose not,” he mumbled in response, standing up and stuffing his hands in his pockets. She too stood and looked up at the night sky, which was surprisingly bright and clear tonight. 

“It’s a good night to think, but an even better one to go home.”

Off she went without another word, and Harry sighed. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go back, but what choice did he have at this point? Hopefully, the party would still be busy enough that he could sneak in and hibernate in his room. Maybe that half eaten pint of ice cream was still in the ice box - he definitely needed that kind of moment right now. 

Slowly, bowing his head against the wind, he made his way back up the streets, guiding himself by the yellow street lights, until he could see the lights on in the top room of Princess Park Manor. It felt like Louis was out here right now with an iron grip on his heart, and Harry wanted desperately to run away to anywhere else, but he knew he had no choice. 

The halls seemed fairly quiet as he made his way towards his door, and when he slid the key into the lock and opened the door, he was met with a fairly empty flat. He’d been gone longer than he thought. Only Liam, Zayn, and Louis were left, with Niall half asleep on the sofa. They all looked up as Harry entered, and Louis took a step forward. 

“Harry, where were you? We looked everywhere.”

“Probably went home with a pretty boy, huh, H?” Niall slurred, but Liam threw a used napkin at him, and that seemed to shut him up. Louis, however, didn’t seem to want to let it go, and the longer Harry looked at him, the angrier he became. 

“Haz, seriously. I was worried.”

“Oh, were you now? I seem to remember you being too distracted by Aiden Grimshaw’s perfect lips, or did I imagine that?”

The silence in the room at that moment was the loudest Harry’d ever heard, but he wasn’t even registering the words coming out of his mouth right now. His anger was speaking for him, and it wasn’t good, if the faces of his bandmates were anything to go by. 

Louis opened his mouth, about to respond, but Harry didn’t want to hear it. “Don’t bother, Lou. Just leave me alone.”

Without a backward glance, he stalked off to his room and slammed the door, tearing off his jacket and throwing it down on the bed. He was aware now that he was acting like a child, but he couldn’t help it. He was a confusing mixture of furious and broken-hearted, and those two feelings didn’t work well together. He didn’t know what to do now, but he was pretty sure that what he’d just said had effectively ruined everything.  _ Whatever _ , he thought savagely as he sat down on his bed, burying his face in his hands. 

There was a knock on the door, but Harry didn’t move. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. But the knock turned into a pounding, and Harry could hear Louis’ voice from the other side. 

“Harry? Come on, love, open up. We have to talk.”

“Why should I? S’not like you care how I’m feeling, clearly,” Harry shouted back, but the pounding didn’t stop.

“Harry Styles, if you don’t open this door right the fuck now, I’m breaking it down!”

Harry scoffed at that, lifting his head so he could properly yell back. “You couldn’t do that if you tried.”

There was a pause. “Fine, I’ll have Liam do it. Now let me in.”

Harry knew Louis was being serious when he talked about asking Liam for a favor. They still had a bit of a banter kind of thing going on between them - they were both natural leaders and butted heads a lot, so if Louis was willing to go and get Liam right now, he wasn’t messing around. 

“Fucking  _ fine _ !”

Harry made it to the door in two strides and whipped it open to reveal Louis, who came in without preamble and stood there, hands on his hips, looking like a very angry kitten. Harry wanted to cuddle him and throttle him at the same time, and the only reason he wasn’t doing it was because he couldn’t decide which he liked the idea of more.

“What’s going on with you?” Louis asked, and Harry threw his hands up in the air, having had just about enough.

“I’ll tell you right after you tell me why you decided to kiss Aiden Grimshaw for no good reason,” Harry shouted, his whole body trembling with emotions he couldn’t even begin to describe. 

Louis’ lips grew tight and he rolled his eyes, popping one hip out as he took a defensive stance. “It wasn’t for no good reason. In fact, it was for a very good reason, but you wouldn’t know that because you didn’t stick around to find out.”

“Find out what, that you’ve been thinking of snogging him ever since X-Factor? Well, congratulations, Louis, you got your wish. God, I can’t even believe I-”

Harry cut himself off before he said something he’d really regret, but before he could gather his thoughts and find something worthwhile to yell at Louis, Louis was already shouting. 

“Aiden and I were just having some fun! I thought you were the one who said it was tradition, anyway, so I don’t really see the problem!”

“You weren’t supposed to kiss fucking Grimshaw! But I guess I should have known, you’ve always wanted him, so I guess it was just a matter of time.”

“I never wanted Aiden. I wanted  _ you _ , you fucking idiot!”

Harry had been wrong.  _ This _ was the loudest silence he’d ever heard. He stood there, his mouth hanging open, staring at Louis, who was now fixing his hair furiously, refusing to look Harry in the eye and moving around in an agitated manner. 

Finally, Harry found his voice. “You … you  _ what _ ?” 

“I wanted you. Still do, actually. I kissed Aiden to make you jealous, because I thought I wasn’t being obvious enough. He even agreed to do it. I can’t believe you never caught on, Styles. I flirt with you constantly. I asked you to move in with me. We share rooms even when we don’t have to on tour. What did you _ think  _ was going on? That I was just friendly with everyone?”

“And you thought kissing someone else would make me … what? Suddenly beg you to be mine? That’s not how this works, Louis,” Harry said, but his throat felt extremely tight. Louis’ words kept echoing in his head like someone had shouted them on the wind, and for some strange reason, he felt tears prick in his eyes. 

“I just wanted … I don’t even know,” Louis said, throwing his hands in the air. “I guess I thought I thought maybe … fuck, I don’t even have a good excuse this time.” Louis tugged at his hair now, and Harry felt his heart skip a beat, feeling bad for Louis even through his anger. “But why would it matter to you, anyway. It’s not like you, well, you never said …”

“Said what, that I liked you? Louis, I … I’ve been in love with you for so long. All I wanted was to be with you, but you never seemed to care about me. I tried to tell you so many times in so many ways, but you acted like I was just your little bandmate that you had to take care of. And then you just go off kissing other guys and it didn’t exactly make me want to admit how I felt.”

Louis’ face went through several expressions - shock, devastation, and then something that looked strangely like hope. He moved closer to Harry, and as angry and frustrated and completely overwhelmed as Harry was, he couldn’t step back. Every part of him longed to be close to Louis. 

“So you … you like me, then.” Louis said the words slowly, as though they were a completely foreign language to him, and Harry had to force himself not to roll his eyes. 

“Why do you think I put up mistletoe in our flat, knowing full well that, aside from tonight, you and I would be the only ones here?”

Louis shrugged and made a strange flapping gesture with his arms, as though he wasn’t quite sure what to do with his limbs at the moment. “I thought you were just being quirky … my quirky Harry who cries at rom coms and loves Christmas more than Santa.”

Harry laughed then, his anger melting away slowly. Just being around Louis could do that to him, and though the adrenaline was still there, he didn’t want to punch Louis or Aiden anymore. “I was, but I had a goal in mind. I just … I wanted to know what it would be like to kiss you, even if it was only once. Then at least I’d know what I was missing, or maybe you’d …” He trailed off. Louis was so close to him now, he could smell his aftershave mixed with something that was inherently Louis, a scent that Harry always caught on him. He swallowed, not quite sure what to do. They seemed to be in limbo, just looking at each other. 

“I want to, you know. I don’t want to kiss anyone else. Just you,” Louis whispered, and Harry shivered as Louis’ hands slid around his waist. They’d done this a million times, but this time, it was with intent, and Harry was quite sure he was going to pass out. 

“Can … can I …” Louis’ nose touched his lightly, and Harry leaned in, pressing his full lips to Louis’. 

It was better than he’d ever imagined it would be. Louis tasted like alcohol and peppermint, and though his lips were thinner than his own, he knew how to use them. Harry melted into Louis’ touch, their lips pressing lightly together over and over. Harry sighed, opening just enough to let Louis’ tongue dip inside, and he couldn’t help himself - he moaned softly into Louis’ open mouth, and that noise brought them both back to reality. 

Harry leaned his forehead against Louis’, breathing unnecessarily hard for just having kissed for a few seconds, but he realized he’d been holding his breath. He felt like the last two years had been him holding his breath, waiting for the moment when Louis would finally realize how he felt and take him in his arms and never stop kissing him. Now he could let it out. 

“Lou, you … wow.”

Louis smirked, his eyes sparkling. “I know, I’m a great kisser. I’ve been told.”

Harry snorted. “Don’t get a big head over it, Tomlinson.”

“Just kiss me again.”

Their second kiss was better than the first. Harry could feel the energy zipping up and down his spine, filling every part of his body and making him tingle from head to toe.

“We … we still should talk about … “ Louis panted against Harry’s lips, but Harry just shook his head. He didn’t want the moment to end. He didn’t want something to interrupt what might well be the greatest night of his life.

“Tomorrow,” he whispered, and that’s when he felt Louis give in fully, and they both tumbled into Harry’s bed, the events of earlier completely forgotten. 

____________

Harry woke up to the familiar scent of burning bread. He lay there for a moment, his eyes still closed, remembering the touch of Louis’ hands on his body last night, and then he sat bolt upright, his heart beating erratically. It hadn’t been a dream - had it? He felt the empty bed next to him, which was messed up, not neat like it usually always was when he slept alone - Louis really had been in his bed last night. And now he was burning toast.

Harry pulled himself out of bed, not bothering to put on anything over his boxers, which he was miraculously still wearing, and hurried into the kitchen, where Louis was standing, quite as underdressed as Harry, blowing over the toaster to try and make the smoke go away. 

“Stupid fucking thing, how is it Harry makes you work perfectly, eh?”

“Maybe because I don’t set it to five and wait,” Harry chuckled, and Louis jumped, nearly slipping on part of a raw egg that adorned the kitchen floor. Harry reached for him, but he wasn’t any less clumsy, and they both ended up in a tangle of limbs on the floor. Harry laughed breathlessly as Louis’ embarrassed, yet endeared, face came into view. 

“Nice catch, Styles.”

“I know I am, thanks,” Harry said with a shrug, and Louis wacked him across the shoulder before leaning to press a soft kiss to his cheek. That brought Harry back to reality, and every moment of the night before flashed through his mind. He pulled himself free and stood up, awkwardly tugging at a curl at the base of his neck. Louis’ neck and face were flushed a brilliant pink as he struggled to his feet, throwing the tea towel that was slung over his shoulder onto the counter in defeat. 

“Yeah, we should …”

“We said we would …”

They both paused mid-sentence and laughed, moving to sit at their table. Harry felt like thousands of butterflies were trying to burst out of his stomach, but he clenched his jaw and forced his nerves away. It was about time he was fully honest with Louis.

The silence extended for a few minutes, Harry not knowing where to start or what to say, but eventually, Louis took a deep breath and started talking. 

“Harry, I … I know last night got a little, well, what I mean to say is I’m sorry. I should have just told you how I felt instead of trying to force a confession out of you. It was wrong for me to use Aiden to get to you and I …” he swallowed, and Harry felt tears already gathering in his eyes. “I like you so much. Hell, I’m halfway in love with you, and have been for a while now, but … you’re the first guy I’ve ever felt like this for. Sure, I’ve had crushes before, but you’re different. You make me feel things I didn’t even think were possible and I want you to know that I want this. I want to be with you, no matter what. No more secrets. No more trying to make you jealous. Just you and me.”

Louis seemed almost winded after that, and Harry sniffed, trying hard not to start sobbing in the middle of Louis’ heartfelt speech. He thought that might be a bit much. He took a moment to collect himself. 

“I … I never knew, you know? I always thought you were just doing the whole big brother thing, and I’d come to accept that after the first year, honestly. I knew I’d always be in love with you and you’d never know and I was okay with that, but … the more I was around you, the more I wanted to be with you. I wanted you to look at me. I wanted to be the one you threw dirty pick up lines at. I wanted to be the one you flirted with and kissed and went home with. And I didn’t know how to tell you that without losing you. Having you around as a friend was more important to me than getting you in my bed.”

Louis laughed, his head thrown back, and Harry sighed happily, just watching him. He was so fucking beautiful. 

“I’m surprised at that. I’m excellent in bed.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Zayn said you’d be a twat about this when I told you.”

“Zayn knew? And he didn’t tell me? The betrayal, I swear,” Louis grumbled.

“I had to tell someone, it was killing me. Besides, I wasn’t exactly subtle about being in love with you. He caught on pretty quickly.”

They sat there for another moment, until Harry realized he hadn’t said the most important part of all the thoughts going through his mind. 

“I want everything with you, Lou. I mean it.”

Louis just stared at him, and Harry thought, for one crazy second, even after Louis had just admitted his feelings for him moments ago, that he was going to turn him down, and his heart plunged. And then Louis lifted his hand and wiped furiously at his eyes, and Harry’s resolve broke. He stood up and pushed his chair away, and Louis met him in a hug in the middle of their kitchen. 

Harry could feel Louis shaking in his arms, or maybe it was Harry himself, so overwhelmed that he was shaking enough for both of them, but it didn’t matter. Because this was everything he’d ever dreamed of wanting. 

When Harry finally pulled back, all he could see was blue eyes and a blinding smile, and he knew he had to ask properly, just because. 

“Be mine, Lou. Be my boyfriend.”

“As if I’d say no to you, H.”

They stood there, basking in each other’s existence, until Louis looked up and chuckled lowly. Harry looked up too, and his heart sped up. 

“Looks like you’re gonna get that kiss you were aiming for, huh?” Louis said, pulling himself impossibly closer to Harry as they both looked at each other again.

Harry’s lips were on Louis’ before he could even think of an appropriate response, but Louis responded with such enthusiasm that Harry didn’t care. They kissed until their lips were sore and they were both breathless, just living in the moment where everything was finally right with the world. 

“Well, I should probably get packing, shouldn’t I? Can’t miss a Donny Christmas, can I?” Louis said, and Harry smiled, even though his heart ached instantly at the thought of him and Louis going their separate ways for the holiday.

“And I’ll make breakfast, since you’re incapable, apparently.”

Louis’ laugh echoed around their kitchen, and Harry watched him go, hardly believing that Louis was finally his.

____________

  
  


“Harry, you’ve been on the sofa all day, what is the matter with you?”

Harry looked up from his phone into his mother’s concerned face. Gemma appeared next to her, not looking anywhere near concerned. 

“Yeah, little brother. Where’s Mr. Christmas Cheer? Where are the decorations? Most importantly, where are my cookies?”

Harry smiled slightly at that last one, but inside, he was still pining. Well, he wouldn’t exactly call it pining now that Louis was actually his boyfriend, but it was something like that. He missed him terribly. All he could think about were his kisses. Before they’d left a few days ago, they’d shared a goodbye kiss, which had lead to a twenty minute snogging session that almost had them both forgetting about going home and just staying in one of their two bedrooms for the rest of the holiday. Now that Harry finally knew what it was like to have a part of Louis in that way, he wanted it all the time, and he wanted more. 

“Ah, I see. He’s still pining over Louis, isn’t he?” Gemma crooned, and Anne rolled her eyes. 

“He doesn’t have to pine now that they’re finally dating.”

Gemma looked shocked. “What? They’re doing  _ what _ ?”

Harry blushed furiously - Gemma had just arrived that morning, and he hadn’t quite got around to telling her the news yet. Gemma was glaring at him now though, waiting for an explanation, but all Harry could do was shrug and nod. Gemma threw her hands in the air. 

“No one tells me anything anymore! Next I’m going to find out that they’re married with four children,” she huffed, stalking off back to the kitchen. Anne took a seat next to Harry, who made room for her and let her put an arm around his shoulders. 

“If you want to go call him, do it. We’ve already eaten and it’s his birthday! I’ll make sure your sister leaves you alone, at least for a little while.”

Harry snuggled into Anne’s embrace, his heart already beating just a little faster at the thought of seeing Louis’ face and hearing his voice. “Alright. Thanks, Mum.”

He had to try hard not to run up the stairs as he texted Louis to see if he was free. When he felt the phone buzz in his hand, he threw himself onto his bed and hit the Facetime button. In seconds, Louis’ face lit up his phone screen, and Harry could feel the tension he hadn’t known he’d been holding release, his heart practically glowing at the sight of his perfect, wonderful boyfriend.

“Lou,” he said softly, not knowing what else to say as he admired him. Louis grinned, seeming to fend off an attack from a smaller body as he got more comfortable wherever he was sitting. 

“Haz, so good to see your face … oi, Dais, stop pushing your sister! Sorry, love.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes and Harry honestly didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He knew he was being dumb, and that it had been not even four days since they’d seen each other, but after waiting so long to be with Louis, being apart was like torture. But he put that aside for now, because Louis was there, kind of, and that’s what mattered. 

“Happy birthday, Lou. I miss you.”

His cheeks were burning, he knew it. He could see how red his face was in the tiny corner of the frame. Louis’ cheeks were a nice shade of pink as well, which Harry did not mind in the slightest.

“Miss you too, baby, and thank you. It’s been a good one. Would be better if you were here though. Not that I don’t love  _ all of my sisters very much _ ,” he said, emphasizing the last few words so that the groans in the background turned into giggles of pleasure.

“What did you get, then?” Harry asked, trying to keep the conversation light, despite what his insides were currently doing. His brain and his cock were not on the same page, clearly. Being away from Louis was doing quite the number on him. 

“Well, I got plenty of new stuff to wear on tour, and by that, I mean pants and socks. Great, right?” Louis said, rolling his eyes playfully. “Also got a new set of luggage so I don’t have to keep throwing my stuff in yours. Gonna come in handy, I suppose, even though we always share a room anyway.”

Harry smiled dopily as he realized that he and Louis would still be sharing rooms on tour, but now other things could happen. Lots of other things. Maybe even a few … experimental things. He needed to get a grip.

“Thinking about what I’m gonna do to you, aren’t ya?” Louis said in a low voice so only Harry could hear, and Harry nodded, adjusting himself as quickly as he could. Louis smirked. “Don’t worry, Harold, my boy. I’m sure we’ll find _ something  _ to do when we’re stuck in the hotel.”

Harry’s neck was flushed now, and he bit down hard on his lip. In that moment, four little faces appeared in the frame, all of them chattering away. 

“Lou, come play with us!”

“Yeah, stop flirting with your boyfriend.”

“Harry, you should just come here for Christmas so Louis can stop moping.”

“Louuuuuuuu …”

“Alright, alright, be there in a mo, babes,” Louis said, shooing them off, and they all waved before departing. Louis smiled, but his eyes were just a little sad. “Guess that means I’m off. Have a wonderful Christmas, Harry. I’ll see you in a few days, yeah?”

“Yeah. Merry Christmas, Louis. And happy birthday … again,” Harry whispered, blowing a kiss to the screen. Louis caught it and pressed his fingers to his lips playfully.

“Harry, I … umm, I mean …”

Harry knew what he was trying to say before he could even get the sentence formed, but he didn’t want their first time saying those words to be over the phone. 

“I know, Lou. Me too.”

Louis smiled then, the soft smile that was meant only for Harry, and disappeared, leaving Harry’s room in an echoing silence. Harry pressed his phone to his chest, as if Louis were still there, and then stood to join his family. Just a few more days and he’d have Louis in his arms. Just a few more days.

____________

Harry arrived home to an empty but welcoming flat, and he shrugged off his jacket as quickly as he could. He knew he only had a few hours, maybe less, before Louis got back, and their place was still pretty much a disaster from their party. Neither of them had bothered cleaning up - Harry had definitely been more focused on kissing Louis, that was for sure.

Now, however, he wanted it to look nice. He had someone to impress now, and though they’d been living together for nearly two years, Harry still felt like Louis coming home to a nice cup of tea and some snacks and a clean flat would be an amazing way to start off whatever this was going to be between them. 

He’d just gotten back up from taking the last bag of rubbish down when his phone dinged, and seeing Louis’ name pop up on the screen had Harry’s heart doing a little dance. He headed quickly into the kitchen and made up the tea, making Louis’ just the way he liked it, and as he set them both down on their coffee table, there was a turning of the key in the lock and Louis stepped inside, shaking off the cold. Harry sat there quietly, biting his lip, waiting for Louis to turn around.

When Louis’ eyes finally met his, Harry felt his heart skip a beat, and he swallowed, his face relaxing into a smile. Louis’ entire face lit up, and Harry had just enough time to put his cup of tea down before he had a lapful of Louis, who was hugging him so tightly, he could barely breathe. That was okay, though. It wouldn’t be the worst way to go. 

“God, Haz, I missed you so much. I didn’t even think … fuck, it’s so good to see you,” Louis mumbled into Harry’s hair, and Harry just held Louis tighter, never wanting to let him go. A weight felt like it had been lifted off his shoulders - he always missed Louis when they were apart, probably a side effect of being in love with him for so long, but this was different. 

“Lou. Lou, Lou,” Harry whispered, burying his face in Louis’ neck. He’d never been this happy. 

Louis pulled back, cupping Harry’s face in his hands for a moment. “You look older. Or is it just me? Oh, fuck if I know, I’m just so glad to see you.” His eyes lit up then, and he jumped off Harry’s lap. “Wait right there, H, gotta go get your present.”

As Louis dashed from the room, dragging his bag with him, it suddenly hit Harry that he had no present for Louis. In all the planning for the party and kissing disasters and then kissing non-disasters, Harry hadn’t even thought about it until that moment. But for some reason, he knew Louis wouldn’t mind. Or maybe he was projecting. Whatever. 

Louis came back with a small wrapped box, blushing slightly as he sat down on the sofa, taking a large sip of his tea. He nodded at Harry, who took it and shook it slightly. Louis, still with a mouthful of tea, rolled his eyes, and Harry laughed as he peeled the paper back and opened the box. 

“Oh, Louis …”

Nestled inside were two ornaments; one was a Christmas tree with Louis’ name on it, and one was a little gingerbread looking Santa with Harry’s name on it. Harry had jokingly put them next to each other in the store months ago, and …

“You remembered? I just … I did that as a joke, I just liked how our names looked together and I was pining and … you did this for me?”

Louis’ face was now very red, and he just nodded. “Yeah, well … I mean, I was pining over you too so I thought maybe if I bought them and gave them to you on Christmas, you’d know that I, well, you know. But I got impatient and … yeah. I hope you like them. It’s not much.”

Harry stood up and pulled Louis into a hug, needing to be close to him, to make him understand. “It’s from you. That’s all that matters. Come on, let’s put them up.”

Once they’d broken apart, they each took their respective ornament and made their way to the tree, choosing the perfect spot. In the end, they chose a branch that faced the room, so they could always see them, and hung them together.

“Merry Christmas, H,” Louis said as they looked at each other, and Harry wasted no time in pulling his boyfriend to him and pressing their lips together. He’d waited so long for this and now he just needed to show Louis how much he cared … how much he wanted to just be with him all the time. 

Harry meant for the kiss to be chaste, he really did, but Louis was pulling him closer now, deepening the kiss and nipping at his lips. Harry let his lips part and tasted tea on Louis’ tongue, bitter and sweet all at once. 

Louis was humming against his lips, his hand slipping underneath Harry’s t-shirt, and Harry wanted more. He wanted everything. 

“Louis, please,” Harry mumbled against Louis’ lips, and Louis kissed him harder, his hand gripping into Harry’s waist. It hurt a little, but Harry found he quite liked that. His hands were wandering as well, slipping below Louis’ waist, and Louis pushed back into his hands, growing harder by the moment against Harry’s hip. 

Louis, seemingly reluctantly, pulled away. His lips were red and shiny, and his eyes were blown wide, but Harry had never seen him happier. “Wanna … bedroom. Fuck, I want to worship you.”

Harry’s knees went weak, but he let Louis lead him to his room, stopping them every few seconds to get another kiss. He couldn’t get enough of Louis’ lips. 

When he finally lay back on the bed, he just stayed there as Louis crawled over him, his eyes raking up and down his body. 

“You’re so beautiful, H. Can’t believe it took us this long,” he said, his lips trailing along Harry’s skin. Harry felt like he was on fire, and he gripped Louis’ waist, pulling him down to kiss him. He was impossibly hard already, his cock straining against the zipper of his jeans, and Louis smirked as his own brushed it. 

“Got you all worked up, now, don’t I, love?”

“Yes, yes, Louis, please do something …” Harry gasped as Louis attached his lips firmly to his neck, biting down hard. Harry knew he was gonna leave a mark, but he craved it. He wanted Louis’ lips everywhere. 

“You’re alright, baby,” Louis whispered, and Harry whimpered at the use of the nickname. No one had ever called him baby before. “Let’s get these clothes off you, hmm?”

Harry didn’t know how Louis was keeping himself together, because he felt like he was falling apart at the seams, but he let Louis’ hands trail down to his waist, lifting the fabric up to expose his chest. Pressing wet, open mouthed kisses all over his chest, Louis maneuvered Harry’s shirt off his body. Harry pulled his face up for another kiss, licking into Louis’ mouth as he became a bit bolder. 

“Want to taste you, H. Can I?” Louis breathed in his ear, and Harry felt his cock twitch. He wanted nothing more than that, and nodded enthusiastically. Louis’ hands worked expertly, undoing the button of his jeans and pulling them and his pants down in one. There was a beat of silence, and then Louis sighed. “Jesus, you’re so …”

“Lou, you’ve seen me naked before, stop,” Harry complained, but he loved it. He loved the praise. He wanted more of it. 

“Not like this. Not when I’m the one who’s made you hard. This is different, and you’re fucking beautiful, Harry Styles.”

Louis trailed his lips down Harry’s body, which was now completely naked, and found their way to his thighs. Harry gasped and bucked his hips up as Louis began to nip at the soft skin of his inner thighs. He hadn’t realized how sensitive that would be, but he relished in the little moments of pain. 

“Louis,  _ oh _ … oh god, that feels so good,  _ fuck _ ,” Harry moaned, surprising even himself - he’d never been one to be loud in bed, but Louis was making him feel things he’d never felt before or even dreamed of ever feeling. Everything was so real and so intense with Louis. 

“Love it when you say my name,” Louis said, his words vibrating against Harry’s skin and making him shudder. 

“Lou, fucking suck me off,” he said impatiently, and Louis huffed out a laugh, his hot breath making Harry that much harder.

“Impatient, are we?”

Harry refrained from giving Louis a good wack and threw his head back, pushing his hips up again as Louis’ tongue finally found his cock. He could hear himself saying words, spewing a mix of moans and profanity, but it was like it was happening from a distance. Louis’ tongue was warm and wet, and Harry felt precome starting to slide down his shaft as Louis kitten licked around his head. When he finally took him in his mouth, it was all Harry could do not to come instantly, it felt that good. 

“ _ Louis _ , god, your mouth,” Harry gasped, his hand moving to tangle in Louis’ hair. This seemed to spur Louis on, as his mouth began bobbing up and down at a faster pace, his hand covering what his mouth couldn’t take. He was good … too good, and Harry found himself trying to pull away from the heat of Louis’ mouth. “Fuck, I’m gonna come right now if you don’t s-stop that.”

Louis took as much of Harry as he could, swallowing around his cock, and then pulled off with a little pop, looking up at Harry from between his legs. He looked completely fucked out of his mind, but Harry thought he looked beautiful. 

“Hazza, wanna … your thighs, they’re so beautiful … wanna fuck them.”

“Yes, yeah, Louis, anything for you. Want to feel you … want you to come on me,” Harry babbled, touching any part of Louis he could reach. His own skin was slick with sweat now, as was Louis’, but neither of them seemed to want to stop. Harry knew he didn’t. 

Louis pulled himself up Harry’s body and pressed kisses to his cheeks and nose and finally his lips, and Harry practically screamed as Louis’ clothed cock pressed against his naked one. 

“Fuck, sorry, forgot I was … yeah, better get my kit off then,” Louis said with a little laugh, and Harry found himself laughing too, even though he really wanted to ask Louis to do that again and again until he came screaming his name. They’d have time for that later, though. 

Harry had a few seconds of rest in which to take in the fact that this was actually happening before Louis was back, and Harry just stared at him. Louis had the most beautiful curves, and his cock was standing nearly straight out from his body - clearly, Harry turned Louis on too.

“C’mon, fuck me,” Harry groaned, and Louis obliged, positioning himself above Harry’s thighs. 

“Squeeze ‘em tight together, H, as hard as you can.”

Harry did as he was asked, and Louis reached for something beneath his pillow. Harry cackled as he brought out a container of lube. 

“Under your pillow, Lou, really?”

“Don’t laugh at me, Styles. It’s not my fault you’re bloody gorgeous. I have to keep it close at hand just in case you smiled at me before bed or some shit.”

They both laughed at that, and Louis lubed himself up, the situation suddenly serious again. Harry, who had let his body relax, squeezed his legs together, and Louis again positioned himself over Harry, hovering there for a moment of silence.

“Ready, H?”

Harry nodded, and Louis lowered himself, pushing his cock between Harry’s legs. It was the weirdest feeling in the world, but Harry loved it. He shivered as he felt Louis’ skin gliding against his own, and Louis was making the most beautiful noises. Harry reached up and let his hands explore Louis’ chest, tweaking his nipples when he got to them. 

“Fuck, I … not gonna last,” Louis panted, his hands planted on either side of Harry’s head as he started to push himself faster. Harry whined, his breath being punched out of him every time Louis’ hips made contact with his thighs. 

“Harder, harder,  _ please _ ,” Harry moaned as Louis’ movements became jerky. Harry knew he was close, and he knew that he himself wasn’t going to last much longer. 

“Harry, shit, I’m … fuck, I’m gonna …” Louis was gasping now, and with a few more movements, he was coming all over Harry’s thighs. As he continued to push his cock between Harry’s legs, milking the come out of himself, Harry reached for his own cock, and was coming over his fist in three tugs. Both of them rode out their highs, trying to catch their breath, and as Louis collapsed on top of Harry’s chest, Harry thought that he had never been as exhausted or as happy in his life. 

They lay there, their own mixed come drying on their bodies. Harry was in shock, but he was also hazy and content, wanting nothing more than Louis’ body pressed against his own. 

“That was …” Louis said finally, and Harry nodded. 

“Yeah.”

Louis slid off Harry and lay next to him, both of their heads positioned on the one pillow Louis used to sleep with. 

“I love you, you know that? Been waiting to say it like this for so long, and I just … I really love you.”

Louis’ cheeks flushed and he looked down bashfully, but Harry meant every single word. He’d wanted to say it aloud for two years, and now here he was. Everything had worked out, eventually.

“I love you just as much. I’ll never stop saying it. I love you, I love you, I love you,” Louis said back, punctuating each declaration with a kiss to Harry’s bruised lips. 

“I’m so happy,” Harry whispered, and Louis nodded. 

“Me too. Now …” Louis pulled himself up higher on the pillow and grinned at Harry. “Where’s my present, Styles?”

Harry hesitated for a fraction of a second before gesturing to his cock, which was laying spent against his leg. Louis looked down and then scoffed, smacking Harry’s arm. 

“Well then, better get on with it then, hadn’t I?” Louis said, and Harry found himself flipped around, now on top of Louis. He grinned and smothered his laughter against Louis’ lips. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading!


End file.
